Do you wonder if your past is showing up in your present life? In times of distress do your emotional reactions remind you of an earlier time? Are you struggling in your primary relationship with patterns that seem unbreakable?
When addressing self esteem, trust, anxiety and emotion regulation, understanding the attachment pattern formed in early childhood is an important piece of the puzzle. Research in child development shows that the early attachment relationship affects feelings of security. In general, children with caregivers who respond in supportive and consistent ways are more likely to develop a sense that the world is safe and they themselves are worthy of support. As humans, we develop a deep emotional bond with those who consistently provide care and comfort, especially when we are afraid, distressed, or ill.
When a young child is frightened, the fight or flight response will be soothed by an attuned and supportive caregiver. As a result, the child’s stress response (increased circulating adrenaline and cortisol) will be reduced providing the necessary support for the child’s developing nervous system. This not only protects the child’s developing brain and nervous system from overexposure to stress hormones, but also provides the building blocks the child needs to develop his own ability to calm himself. This is called a Secure Attachment style.
In contrast, a child with a consistently distracted, neglectful, abusive, or traumatizing caregiver may be left to self sooth on their own and calm their own nervous system when scared, angry, or otherwise upset. Depending on the severity and duration of distress, children of abusive or unstable caregivers often have a difficult time learning how to manage their emotions and as adults are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, or other mental health disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder. These attachment relationships are often classified as anxious, disorganized or avoidant.
This is not to say that all mental health issues are related to early relationships with parents, however, it is helpful to think of the early relationship as foundational to our personalities and how we respond to life’s challenges.
How attachment theory informs therapy
Understanding our early relationships, behavior and coping patterns provides powerful insight and informs the therapuetic approach. Behaviors are adaptive, which means you are coping the best you can within your current experience and knowledge base. Psychotherapy is about expanding understanding and learning new tools and skills to improve life experience. Emotion regulation, managing the intensity and duration of negative states such as anxiety, anger, or sadness, can be reduced, new patterns can be established and healing can begin. For better or for worse, our early years taught us much about how relationships work, giving us ideas about our basic sense of self-worth and what we can expect from the world.
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